The twinge is subconsciously plaguing my psyche, with that; I have no reason to whimper for I do not feel it at all. Maybe I do not feel it at all, or I pretend not to feel it at all…

This day is one of the untitled anthologies of my life. I am seeing a memory of a cute little girl holding her cut and style Barbie doll this morning.

That little plague, the twinge that is, made me see how I took for granted the delicateness of my childhood. I have had a sweet childhood. It is only now that I realized, I would choose to remain a child forever if I was given a choice. Too bad, I didn’t have an option.

I am sitting in front the computer, trying to trace the footprints of the bittersweet memoirs of my early days on my mind. I am surrounded with all the artificial comforts of life. To some, this is a better life, to me, it isn’t enough.

The memories of sunny afternoons near the river bank make me laugh, and I really yearn to see those sweet little tilapias on our farm’s manmade pond. I would like to feel the cold breeze of air while silently watching the vast lands of our long forgotten farm. Up to now, I still couldn’t forget the taste of the fresh milk of the carabaos. I could smell the mud where they soak themselves during day break.

I guess no anodyne can relieve the excruciating pain of remembering old memories. From the window outside my room, I can see the sun rising. I can hear no sounds of chicken cuckoo-ing in the morning: instead I am hearing the loud beeps of the vehicles passing by our street. On my closet, corporate suits are properly arranged by color, my work desk is loaded with paper and junks. My coffee mug is empty; my calendar is marked with red memos.

Everyday happenings make me continuously wander. Everyday happenings makes me monotonously wonder what could have been if I didn’t grow up. Then again, reality is hitting me, this is my grown up life.


~ by Asian Butterfly on September 20, 2009.

4 Responses to “Catanoia”

  1. The description of your home is lovely.

  2. It was lovely… 😦

  3. Delicate childhoods….how wonderful that you have it so well preserved that you can now cradle it in your hand. I think I would search for ways to sprinkle reminders into my present day. It made me smile to think of the appreciation I have for my own childhood that I did not have when I was there.

  4. Childhood memories are the sweetest

    Thanks for visiting Jaymie

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