The So-Called-Friends

People change.

Or maybe they don’t. We just think they do when we finally realize or see who they really are. The more you get to know the person, the more you think he or she changes.

I am one of those who can proudly say I have FEW real friends. Few because if I would be counting them, I won’t even be able to use my ten fingers. Three high school friends and three college friends – that makes them ONLY six.

SIX?! Maybe others may think I’m such a lonely person for having only six real friends. But am I lonely? No I am not. As a matter of fact, I am very happy, because I know that no matter what happens, these six people will always be there for me.

Anyway, I wrote this not to write or brag about my real friends nor will I write about having a real friend. Instead, I will write about our so-called-friends.

I have a lot of so-called friends. They are those you treated so well, treated like real friends, like brothers or sisters, and then it turns out that they’re just using you. Financially, mentally or emotionally. Of course you wouldn’t think that they are using you because like in my case, I don’t think bad things about people specially the ones I really care for.

But, now I’m so fed up. Fed up of them, and I don’t want to do anything with them. Most of them are leeches who’ll suck your blood and leave you when you’re almost drained.

Let me give two examples:

THE OH-SO-KIND USER

This person is someone I knew from college. She was very kind and generous back then, and she was almost a mentor to other people. After 2 or 3 years of not having a communication with us. She contacted one of my real friends whom I lived with and asked if she could lend her money because she was robbed. Of course, a friend will help a friend in need. They met and went to a jewelry shop, and guess what? She used the money to buy gold jewelries. She said she’ll show the receipt in her office to be able to re-imburse her allowance. After that, she talked to me and asked if she could stay at home and will just add some amount on our monthly bills because she’s hell scared to live alone in the big city. So of course I said no problem. After a few days, she came with her girlfriend and they hanged out at home. I didn’t care much, as long as they’re not doing anything wrong. After a few days again she started borrowing money, first a few bucks, then a hundred bucks and more. She urged us to find a condomium, and she almost made me resign in my company because she said she’ll help me get a higher post in her company. Then the day for us to move out came. We waited for her, texted and called her, she told us to pack our things and then she’ll be there to pick us up. She didn’t come. The next day, not even her shadow showed up. After a few weeks, another person was using her phone. She said she’s paying her debts, made promises etchetera and yes, none of those happened. Until now. We don’t know what happened to her. We grieved not because she broke her promise and not because she didn’t pay her debts. We grieved because we were so stupid to consider her as a real friend when infact it was very much apparent that she used us.

THE ONE WHO REMEMBER THAT YOU’RE FRIENDS

This person seldom texts eversince we graduated from college. We belonged one group during our college years and this person is someone I treated like a good good brother/sister. Then this person lost his/her apartment because of a reason I don’t need to mention anymore. So as a good real friend. When he/she texted if he/she can sleep over, I gladly agreed. I though he/she will be staying for a day and then it became everyday. My point is, it’s okay to give a shelter to a friend who doesn’t have one, but isn’t he/she intelligent enough to think that he/she should find a place of his/her own because he/she is sleeping in my bed, and I need to stay awake until 2 in the morning because that’s the time he/she arrives from work? Is he/she not considering that I need to wake up early because I need to cook and do my household chores before going to my workplace? And when our friends kidded and told him/her to bring some snack when he/she arrives he/she told me I’m much better than our friend because I don’t demand anything from him/her? One night he/she texted me and said he/she’s arriving at 1:30, and the way he/she constructed his/her message made me feel like I am oblige to wait for him/her and that I am his/her maid! Then I thought about what’s been happening and immediately realized he/she’s just my friend now because he/she needs a shelter, and that he/she never said hi, how are you nor how have you been before. Like it’s a one in a million chance for him/her to text me before, and now he/she’s suddenly here acting like as if he/she made a contact with me during the last few months and that he/she is updated to my life now and that he/she had been a good friend. He/she knows me now because he/she needs me, or probably not me, but my home.

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~ by Asian Butterfly on February 12, 2010.

7 Responses to “The So-Called-Friends”

  1. Well. you have had you heart ache often, huh? It is sooo hard to say NO to family and friends, but you have to learn to do so. It does not make you a bad person, it makes you a person who understands. We are all on this Earth to live the best way we can. We are not here to bring others who are doing well to a place that it somewhere they have worked to grow from. We need to always support our family and friends, but it has to be nurturing for BOTH sides. If it is not, someone is sure to get hurt in the process. You are a good person. You need to understand that it is fine to take care of YOURSELF, as well as others. Nice post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts! 🙂

  2. I have the same problem… And I say problem, because sometimes when I see how much I give and how much I become, I think that I am simply stupid or naive. But the real friends are worth going trough some so-called-friends 🙂

    • yeah, problem because when you tell them everything’s too much, you’re the one who turns out to be evil…

  3. It is far better to have only one friend that you can be certain of standing beside you. Then to be surrounded by many so called friends who may stab ya in the back when your looking the other way.

    Dear Hunter

    • true, ive learned my lesson now… thank you for the visit it has been a long time…. ill get back to you soon..

      A.B

  4. One of my brothers former girlfriends tried coming back after it was too late. Unfortunately for her my brother had already fallen in love with someone else and had become engaged.

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