Four Seasons

for a woman who knows how it feels to be warm in a winter night
for a woman who knows how spring brings new hope and life
for a woman who knows how to stand up in every fall
for a woman who knows how to enjoy every summer sunshine


I was not born with a golden spoon. I have some of the things I wanted because I strive hard for them. I have a very close relationship with my father, and sometimes I wish I could love my mother the same way I love him. No matter how hard I try to think about it, reality is biting me, my mother and I will remain cold to each other. What can I say? This fact keeps me aware that I do not live in a perfect world, nor will I ever have a perfect life with my family. Sometimes, like any other humans, I envy my friends and some people who were able to establish a good relationship with their mothers. When I listen about their bonding moments stories, I can’t help but get myself wounded. Whenever I see a mother shopping for her kids, I cannot help but feel bitter; I cannot help but feel the wound bleeding. Whenever I see a mother cuddling her daughter, I cannot help but wonder how it feels to be fully loved by a mother, and then I would feel the wound bleeding even more…


I do not look endearing to everyone. I admit the fact that I am not liked by all the people around me. Out of the many faces who give a smile to me, only few are real ones. I act like as if I do not care about that, but I do. I do, especially when I’m alone and I get to think about the so many things in my life. I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with me, or what wrong I did to them. I can’t help but wonder why I am not so likeable, when all I do is be myself. No wonder why a wrong impression kills a sprouting friendship. No wonder why gossips ruin a genuine friendly relationship. Like what I said, I care about other people’s comments or impressions; I care about anything that has something to do with me, with being me. On the other hand, I guess I can still consider myself lucky, because some had seen what is behind that so called first impression. Again, I care, but I do not care much, as long as few believe that I am a genuine person.


I know I do not possess a face that could launch a thousand ships, although I can’t say I look ordinary. I do not possess a model figure, but I am certain that I got the curves that would prove I am a woman. A woman who is strong yet vulnerable, a woman who needs a little care, and who wants a little lovin’… I am not one of those women who dreams of a fairytale love story. As far as my heart knows, I only want to have a man who will love me. A man who will not say that I am perfect when he looks at me because I will never be perfect… I do not need a man who will give me all the artificial comforts of life. I do not need someone who will give his purest of heart and time either. I do not need a superman, nor will I ever want a prince charming. I want a normal man who would love me just because he feels he does, without any reason…


There’s so much to life than what I already know, there’s so much about me that I have not discovered yet. Just like any season, my life is changing everyday…

~ by Asian Butterfly on February 24, 2010.

6 Responses to “Four Seasons”

  1. you express yourself well and i enjoy this!

  2. Well, I love to be able to share with you in the words you have written. You speak from your heart. That is a positive sign that you will heal in all areas of your life that you want! I will be right here! “_

  3. A Happy Award for you- details at my blog.. enjoy!

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